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Sunday, September 4th, 2005
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I am hardly at my computer anymore...it is on all the time, just kinda sitting there in my room. I do like to keep up with livejournal (reading it, anyway). I decided to read the last entry i wrote and felt compelled to somewhat update what's happened since.
re: MAC
my paperwork went through and i started work last december 4th as an 18 hour cashier. wellll, now i'm a full time artist and things are going pretty smoothly. i love my job and that's all there is to it. there is so much room to grow within our store and therefore within the company...i just have to keep pushing myself.
re: personal training
i've been working out with a personal trainer at a new gym and getting totally ripped. ha. well, i'm currently participating in a contest at my gym that is 8 weeks long....grand prize is a trip to hawaii and i'm totally going. i need to get some before and after pictures.
re: other stuff
my parents are selling their house in gilbert and have already bought a house in the white mountains that they're going to move into at the end of the month. i've been living in tempe with joe since may and my doggies moved in about a month ago when my parents started getting their house ready to sell. i like the little house we live in...however, we are only renting. my parents have agreed to help me buy a house as soon as their money comes through from selling gilbert house. then i get to have a nice housey and a nice investment and they don't have to pay as much tax on the money they're getting from gilbert house. all in all...life is pretty good.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 7th, 2004
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apparently, i'm supposed to update my livejournal more often. this one's for you, liz!! well, MAC hasn't gotten my employee number yet...so i still haven't officially started. i'm trying to be patient and not think about it too much. i know the phone call will come soon. i'm finding that the same issues i had with learning spanish are coming up in my learning japanese. i will pretty much do anything to get out of having to speak the language to anyone. i'm going to make myself take japanese in a classroom setting next semester because i'm not pushing myself enough taking it on-line. this last halloween was the best halloween ever. i didn't really have an amazing costume or anything...but the entire weekend was great. also, the best boy in the world decided he wants to be boyfriend-y. lately, i've been thinking that i need to get some sessions with a personal trainer. the entire free weight part of the gym is pretty intimidating to me but i know it's what i need to get my body where i want it to be. i've had some trouble getting past this plateau i'm at..but i'm also really happy that i've even made it to where i am. i feel great physically and mentally. duuuhhh. the end.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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so. after trying for more than two and a half years.............................i am now a M.A.C. employee. i am more than pleased. maybe, when it really hits me, i will elaborate on how fucking AWESOME this is.
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Comments: Read 14 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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deciding whether or not i should take an impromptu roadtrip to san francisco. trying not to talk myself out of it.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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it's amazing how many women go to my gym sans bra. 20 feels the same as 19...but 40 pounds lighter. good morning!!
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and
soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive.
Active mind. Hesitating, tends
to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and
humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.
Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able
to show character. Easily
hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom
shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Brand conscious. Executive.
Stubborn.
_________________________________
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 8:29 pm. |
| Mood: | meowface.. |
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today i:
toppled backwards in an unstable papasan chair and broke a lamp.
removed brownies from the oven and dropped them after burning my hand through the oven mit.
stepped on my dog's leg (he's okay).
today, i am very clumsy.
studying for my calc exam on monday...i could use a little break with a certain someone, though. i need to get out of my house; my mom and sister are driving me crazy.
i have a work meeting tomorrow night and i'll get my employee number. yay.
must schedule appointment to get hair cut.....i can't believe my hair is a good 6 inches past my shoulders. eeeep.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
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| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| deadasleep goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as nurse. | | edengonemad tricks you! You get a wet rag. | | ieatbees tricks you! You get a thumbtack. | | kz tricks you! You get a piece of tinfoil. | | malicealice tricks you! You get a toothbrush. | | okgoodanswer tricks you! You get a penny. | | sssocialservice tricks you! You get a block of wood. | | strangeweather tricks you! You get a dead frog. | | thunderleg tricks you! You get a thumbtack. | | zombie_victim tricks you! You get a toothbrush. | | zombieflanders tricks you! You get a rotten egg. | | deadasleep ends up with zero pieces of candy, a wet rag, a thumbtack, a piece of tinfoil, a toothbrush, a penny, a block of wood, a dead frog, a thumbtack, a toothbrush, and a rotten egg. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
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there are not nearly enough hours in a day. this wouldn't be such an issue if i functioned better on less sleep. i am sitting here next to my bed, trying to come up with excuses to get back into it. oiqehfoiwehf. *yawn* i should shower and get out of the house...then pump my body full of caffeine. i am much more efficient when thoroughly caffeinated. calculus, sometimes i wonder why i fought so hard to get into you. guh. bye bed, hello coffee. after 7 pm tonight, everything will be A-OKAY. weeeee! tomorrow i get to sleep in and then do my second driving session thingie. this session is for freeway...i already do pretty okay on the freeway but it'll be nice to get some extra pointers from an experienced instructor and this whole thing lowers my insurance anyway. yahoo. THEN alice and i get to redeem our gift certificate at RA cause they fucked up and told us we could eat...when, in fact, the kitchen was closed. i got all excited to eat my food and then no food. awesome. i think i will spoil myself this weekend and do a little shopping because i have been so good. good stephanie. good calculus. good grief.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
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I was going to write this earlier today, but as I was typing it all….i accidentally hit a button that caused my browser to go back a whole bunch and I lost the entry. I was almost done too. Oh well, it’s not like it’s terribly important…so I didn’t get upset over it.
So I was describing the insane dreams I had last night…..the first one started out with me walking down some street and I ended up standing in front of a barred off “store.” But it was my lovely fruitypants sheena’s room….in the street…and barred off. Her room was so beautiful and plush! Sheenapee was pretending to sleep on her bed that was hanging from the ceiling and it was covered in neon green blankies. Sheena was playing with coins and had a glow around her…like some kind of angelic panhandler. Bwhaha. Sheena, is that why your room was on the street??? All nice and rearranged?? Hahhaa.
Anyway, I passed by sheena’s room and ended up in a large convention hall type thing. I observed some girl apply tons of makeup to her face….it didn’t look good…she was applying large purple glitter to her cheeks??? Yeh, there are some glitterphobes out there, I happen to think it can complement a makeup look nicely when used properly….but this was bad. So I tell this girl that she is messing up her face and she gets really upsets and yells at me. And I yell back, “ HEY LADY, I’M JUST SAYING YOU WOULD LOOK BEAUTIFUL WITH SMUDGED BLACK LINER AND A GLOSSY LIP!!!!” hahaha. She was modeling for a runway show of some sort and that would have been appropriate. Well….this girl ended up having me do her makeup…yeh, I did it…it looked better and then she started making out with me and it was totally awkward. What was even more akward, is that in the next part of my dream….a plastic surgeon came to my house and gave me breast implants. What the fuck???? Hello. My boobs are big enough…I don’t need breast implants. Anyway….it was really weird. The implants felt real, though. Haha. The last part of my dream, I was in some kind of alley behind a couple of clubs…just doing my own thing and this group of girls started talking shit and calling me stupid. I got really upset and starting swinging punches and ended up really injuring a couple of the girls…….then their boyfriends showed up with knives and I ran. Hahahhaa. Then I woke up and my heart was racing. It seems like the only time I ever have violent tendencies is in my dreams. Hmmm.
Anyway, today was alright. I was able to sleep in and my dad came home shortly after I woke up and had brought some kettle corn home for me. Yum yum. Thennnn I took a bath and got dressed and went to study for awhile. Hopefully I am totally prepared for my calculus test on Thursday. I called adam to see what was up with him….he was watching baseball. Weee. Baseball. I am glad the diamondbacks beat st. louis tonight. I really dislike st. louis for playing dirty and for knocking the diamondbacks out of the playoffs last season…the diamondbacks got to return the favor this season. Mark Grace’s retirement wasn’t a huge surprise….it’s good to know that he’ll be staying in baseball and stuff, though. He seems so cheerful most of the time…always smiling.
After I studied, I went into Tempe and hung out with Brandon and other people. That was interesting. Sugar cubes were being tossed about and one ended up down my shirt. It made me blush. I have such horrible social skills. I used to handle social situations pretty well and now I am a huge ball of nervous/shyness. Oh well…I guess it’ll go away if I start going out more often. Brandon and I played video games for awhile. I had to pick up my sister real quick…so I did…and then went back to Brandon’s …but he fell asleep. Butthead Brandon!! Hahahhaha. There was a huge car wreck on the 101. bad news. sad news. news.
My hand is still all bruised and cut up from adam’s puppy fighting me. So cute. That doggy is gonna get so big. His paws are as big as my fists.
It makes my day when random people are outgoing and kind. Going to school makes me happy. My daddy being home makes me happy. Having the freedom to vroom wherever I want, whenever I want makes me happy. My sister cleaning up her act with drugs/alcohol makes me happy. Not being sick makes me happy. My doggy twitching his toes and barking in his sleep makes me happy. My sister’s doggy dragging a bird into the house and chewing it to bits on the carpet doesn’t make me happy but I can’t help to still love him because he’s the only animal/human that will snuggle with me. Being able to braid my hair into pigtails makes me happy. Hmmm. Yeh. That’s enough for tonight.
I miss a lot of stuff that I don’t think will ever come back or be the same. I suppose I should just be grateful that I have those memories.
It’s time to wash my face!!! And dream some more!! Hopefully I don’t dream, though…when I dream I feel like I don’t get any sleep at all.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, September 21st, 2003
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| Time: | 9:41 pm. |
| Mood: | squashed.. | | Music: | eyedea.. |
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today, i got a nosebleed.
today, it is my mom's birthday.
today, i slept like shit because people like to come in my room a lot while i'm sleeping.
today, i have been working on getting caught up in school.
today, i should do all of my laundry and tidy my room.
i got a 94% on my first world religions exam. the instructor said that if we got higher than a 75%, that we're doing really well in the class. haha. hmmmm...yeh. i need to get my act together and study so i can do as well, or better, on my political ideologies exam coming up on tuesday.
this guy in my world religions class likes to stare at me and it creeps me out. when he isn't staring, he asks questions that are so moronic that i question whether or not he is being serious. example:
instructor is writing hindu terms on the board and explains that, "these terms on the board, you pronounce them exactly how they are spelled. blah blah blah."
creepy: MOKE-SHA??? is that how you pronounce that? MOKE-SHA??
no fucktard, it only says "moksha" on the board and he didn't just say that you pronounce it exactly how it looks.
anyway, back to calculus and laundry and tidying. showering too. perhaps i will take a bubble bath...i need it.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
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sidenote: this isn't directed towards any one person in particular. i've had a shitty day and this is what has been going on in my congested head.
i can't figure what is really bothering me.
i can't figure out if people really do just overlook me...or if i allow it to happen....or if it's all my imagination. i'm not sure which is better.
cold medicine, weehoo............you are my friend.
it has been difficult for me to settle into school. so much trouble with my class schedule/my mind in outer space/excitement of finally getting my driver's license and a brand new car.
i don't want to hurt anymore but i don't know if there is a way to fix it. i wish i knew what to do. but i guess life is about taking chances, right? this one that one is it the correct one?
is it you or is it me? analyzing the analysis and doing it all over again.
drawbridge to the castle walls is going up...quickly.
everyone has left...or is preoccupied or just doesn't care. isn't it all the same?
do i put off some kind of signal that tells people to not want to hang out with me? or is it because i am not 21? am i not good enough to make time for? do i just suck? is it because i don't have a car and you're sick of driving to see me? i have a car now, so that's no longer a fucking excuse. am i your last resort? my schedule isn't difficult to work with. does anybody have time anymore? i am sick of asking because i am beginning to feel like the dummy. or am i not asking enough? or at all? is this all my imagination and i am crazy?
i am lonely and i can't figure out why. i can't figure out if i have sucessfully managed to push away everyone i care about. i am sick of hurting. i don't like depending on other people but i know that i do like having people in my life.
nobody seems to care and maybe they don't because i have indirectly caused them to think that i don't want them to. well HEY, i need help. i hurt. i know other people can't make all the hurt go away - that's on me - but they can help.
i don't know anymore. maybe i will feel better in the morning. maybe i won't. i am glad i have my mom. even if she is a little difficult to talk to sometimes, she will always be there for me no matter what. the best friend i'll ever have.
the only time i smiled today was during school.
hello bed. hello soggy pillow. hello nightmare. hello repeat. hellohellohellohellohelloHELLogoodbyebyebyebyebye.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 5th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:35 am. |
| Mood: | lost.. | | Music: | breeze coming through my window.. |
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my airconditioning is broken...i think it's hotter inside my house than it is outside. heat makes me cranky. vacuuming the tile in my house makes me cranky. having to vacuum the tile while the air conditioning is broken makes me especially cranky.
my calc teacher reminds me of my 7th grade pre-algebra teacher. they're both males in their late 30's, early 40's. they also both speak very loud and fast....and say "kapish" (or however you spell it) a lot. the guy who sits next to me is polite and all...but he's the guy always calling out the answers and trying to prove to the people around him that he knows the answer. like i care if you did the homework problem that someone is asking about and got it correct, dood. also, he coughs about every 5 minutes. it's a small cough....but it's the kind of cough that gives one a vivid pictorial of the shit re-adjusting itself inside of his lungs. these coughs, the stench of stale cigarette smoke and his rotten-tooth smile flashing whenever he shouts out an answer has me gagging periodically throughout the hour and a half he is next to me. ugh. grossss. riding in my dad's truck makes my belongings smell like cigar smoke. ick. oiehgoirwhgoih. nasty, nasty habit.
i guess i'm supposed to go to matt's house with johnnie tomorrow night. i don't know if that's still on or what. i don't want to end up feeling like an inconvenience to those who want to drink and blah blah blah i don't have a car. whatever. i'll just study for the two exams i have next week.
time to try and sleep in this sauna of a room.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 28th, 2003
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the highlight of my day(next to getting into my calculus course) was stepping out of my political ideologies classroom to see a very cute asian girl....in a mini-skirt that couldn't have been even 10 inches long. cutelegscutelegsdrooldrool.
i'm so excited about my math class. i just read the syllabus and i'm even more convinced that i have a really good instructor. it seems like he really, genuinely wants people to pass. he talks really loud and fast, though. and sniffs his nose a lot? hmmmm. verrrry suspiiiicious.
someone new bought essenza. she made the place look really nice and turned part of the counter into a little bar area. the girls bathroom looks the most inviting it ever has and smells very nice. i have yet to check out the boys bathroom. as soon as business picks up for her a bit, she mentioned that she'd be getting internet access there....pretty awesome.
bleh. once again i'm tired....but not tired enough to be comfortable trying to sleep.
whatttt am i doooooiiiinggg??
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Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.
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SO excited to finally be in a math class. it's such a huge relief. with this math class, i end up not having school on fridays...which is VERY cool. it was worth going through all the stress. i went to the class today and the guy teaching it seems really cool. he's funny but strict and seems to explain things well.
part of me wants to make an effort.....but the other part of me wants to just push away because i'm sick of giving that effort and not getting anything in return. at least, this is how i feel today. my mood/emotions have been changing like the wind, lately.
schoooooool. weee. iwhrgohnoghoih. hmmm. yep.
p.s. today, i tripped and fell in the dirt, scraped/bruised my left knee pretty badly and ripped a nice hole in my pants. weeeeeeehoo!!
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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i'm trying to focus on the positive things going for me right now. i'm trying to assure myself that if _______ doesn't happen, that it will not be the end of the world. i still don't have a math class. i need to start thinking of alternatives if none of the instructors will give me an override. i need this course so that i can take physics next semester.
the theme as of late, for the relationships of all the people i come in contact with, is askaskaskaskask....and not getting any answers. i hate not knowing where i stand or what is going on. it bothers me when i feel like i'm doing all the initiating....it reminds me of positions i've been in in the past and i don't want to be there again.
adam and i have plans to go to the baseball game on the 12th. it's miller lite 80's night and i'm gonna get all dressed up since i wasn't able to go last season. speaking of miller lite, i stronly dislike their new commericials. i'm not quite sure if they're supposed to be funny or what....they're irritating and i don't like their approach to being "funny."
adam also told me that he would take me driving, which is really cool because i haven't been able to drive a lot lately. my mom has been really busy with work and my dad is only here on the weekends. he has a jetta, also, so it'll be nice to be driving the type of car i'm looking to purchase.
i hope sheena gets her package soon and enjoys it as much as i enjoyed the goodies she sent me. i need to find some frames for the paintings. i've all been meaning to get a frame for the print that heather gave me last year. heather, i miss you....i hope things are going well for you in california. i promise i'll drive to visit you as soon as i have the license and the car and the confidence to drive on the highway. haha.
ummmm. yeh.
in the past, when i have been down about certain things...i have just sat around and just waited for those problems to magically go away on their own.
for once, i feel like i'm making an effort to change the things i can and remain positive...but i feel like i'm really being tested. there is so much going on that i'm not even sure what is bothering me most...i'm sure it's the things i can't do anything about. i suppose i could do something about it, but my options aren't much better than what is going on currently. so yeh.
for now, i'll just sleep.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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| Subject: | GRRRRRRRRRR. |
| Time: | 1:52 pm. |
| Mood: | wanting to crawl back into bed. | | Music: | no sound. i stabbed my ear drums hours ago.. |
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NOBODY WILL FUCKING HELP ME GET INTO THIS MATH CLASS. "talk to this person...." "no no, go to this person..." "go BACK to that person." UGH. i just want to get into a math class and get my books. this is so frustrating. thank you, horomones, for making this week even more enjoyable than i could possibly imagine.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 4:27 am. |
| Mood: | jellybellified.. | | Music: | sheena's mixxxxxxxxxxxx.. |
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i guess i have my english class figured out. i'm enrolled in something...but i'm not quite sure what it is..hopefully i'll find out tomorrow. ummmm. the whole math department at mcc is on my shitlist right now. shitshitshitshitshitshit. i just want to get into calculus w/ analytic geometry. i have the pre-requisites now....but of course, everything is full. LET ME IN. ugh. i kinda want to go out this weekend, but i also don't. i'm going to the baseball game with my dad on friday. my parents are going to be up in showlow saturday and sunday, so i'll be all by myself. i don't think that i should be all alone right now. i know i'd get really upset. i'll just sleep a lot and read my expensive school books. maybe i'll cut and dye my hair...my roots are getting out of control. i want to try out a special fx red, though. the manic panic combo i'm using right now is a really good color, but it fades quickly.
i finally finished sheena's package and i will be mailing it out to her tomorrow. then i'm going to deposit my checks in the bank and keep looking for a car. i was supposed to go car shopping with my parents this weekend, but they're out of town. i haven't been able to drive a lot, lately....and my parents being out of town isn't going to help that. argh. oeihogflwirghoirh.
alice and i are supposed to go check out M.A.C.'s new color line on thursday.....i'm pretty excited...their new stuff looks fun. the rain from tonight is probably going to make tomorrow very muggy. ick.
crayons smell funny.
sour jelly bellies are sooooo good.
i miss the tours at the jelly belly factory in california.
i miss feeling like i had a handle on things.
i am already getting excited about halloween....but i'm trying not to because it'll probably end up shitty like all the rest.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, August 25th, 2003
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a lot of situations/events have me feeling down lately and i'm trying not to let them get to me but i feel like i'm just trying to pretend and ignore the fact that i am upset. but i'd like to think i'm in control of my own feelings? but i guess i am? i am not good at dealing with stress. i feel alone. this weekend was too weird. i feel like everything around me is fake or insincere or just plain shitty. after i'm done thinking about all of the stuff around me....i focus my attention on myself and my actions and i feel like a shitty person. i don't know what to do.....and...yeh........i'm not good at dealing with stress. so maybe i don't feel like a complete shithead...just an overwhelmed shithead.
i also feel like because i'm younger, older people talk down to me and seem to think that because i'm younger and the shit i'm doing is more "juvenile," that it doesn't mean it still affects me in a big way.
bleh. i don't know what i'm talking about. sammy, please let me trim your toenails, they're getting long and making you walk funny. school, please keep my paranoid brain occupied, but with fun things...not stressing over how i'm going to get into a certain math class and how i'm going to get into another english class. please mom, i'm not TRYING to make you nervous when we're driving in the car together; i'm doing my best and i'm not the best driver just yet. please brain, stop thinking ridiculous things right before i put you to sleep; i'm sick of going to bed with a soggy pillow.
please shit, stop being broken.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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deadasleep's journal